Accident Prone, Me? Part1

ACCIDENT PRONE, ME?
Part 1

http://youtu.be/hU2q25YqRJQ

by Malia Ragan

I’ve always prided myself in being physically coordinated.  Growing up, I excelled in most sports. I was a cheerleader, played the flute in the marching band, loved to water ski, swim and jet ski, played softball and tennis among other things;  all of which require a fair amount of dexterity and coordination. In other words, I've always considered myself proficient when it comes to walking and chewing gum at the same time.  Of course, as we age, we are not as active, but I still try and remain as active as possible; of course, relatively speaking.

Somewhere along my path to middle age, I began hearing the same question posed to me,“have you always been accident prone” of which I most always answer; defensively, I might add “me? oh no, not at all”.  I just couldn’t understand how someone could perceive me as being accident prone or clumsy.  This question has just about the same connotation to me as a fat person asking a thin person “do you eat”; always with that somewhat condescending undertone.  I just consider the source of these remarks as most of the folks asking me this question would never have accidents; how could they, couch potatoes rarely get hurt...you know, Newton's Law of Inertia ---a body at rest tends to remain at rest.  Or to get down to the velocity challenged couch potatoes' level, it's the Celebrex commercial that also uses Newton's law of physics to promote its arthritis drug.

Sitting in a meeting one day, my mind began to wander, (as I bore easily) and  I think to myself, it couldn’t be that many incidents, could it?  So, I begin to count the many “unfortunate mishaps” as I prefer to call them, I have encountered over the past few years.  I came to the conclusion, when emergency room personnel begin to know you by name, you just may have an issue. I wouldn't exactly consider myself a neophyte when it comes to emergency room visits.

So here we go, I’ll let you be the judge.  Just recently, I broke my foot while mowing the grass in flip flops; something neither I, in retrospect, nor my orthopaedic surgeon thought was a really smart thing to do; emergency room visit #1; trip to the orthopaedic surgeon, boot and crutches for six weeks.  Then, while still on crutches, I flip over backwards in my office chair and herniate two discs; emergency room visit #2.  Can you imagine what a middle aged woman looks like wearing a boot up to her knee and trying to maneuver on crutches; while wearing a back brace that  resembles a WWF belt?  I have to admit, it was a funny sight.  Thank goodness God gave clumsy people a sense of humor.

Emergency room visit #3 involved an electric gardening tool to the knee; five stitches.   Emergency room visit #4, involved a hammer to the thumb; stitches required, seven.

Then there was the back of the pickup truck “incident”.  Now, I know what you are thinking, it’s Alabama, there just has to be a pickup truck involved somehow in the story. Here's your pickup truck story.  While unloading shrubs for my new house, I jumped up on the rear tire of a friend’s pickup truck and leaned over the bed to unload rather than opening the truck tailgate. In hindsight, not a smart move on my part.  It began to rain; tires became slick, feet slipped off, and before you know it,  I was catapulted  like a trebuchet, face first, into the bed of the truck. Not pretty or graceful.  And, just my luck, it had to be equipped with one of those ribbed bed liner thingies; not a soft landing by any means. No stitches this time, just a bloody lip followed by a trip to the dentist to be sure I had no nerve damage to the teeth; accompanied by laughter not only from the dental hygienist but also the dentist himself. Recuperation time, it took about a week for the swelling and bruising to go away.  A co-worker felt the need to verbalize that my swollen lip resembled Donald Duck’s beak in profile.  What a lovely thought. I’m so glad he felt the need to share this with me and our co-workers. Obviously, idiocy is still alive and well in the work place.